becoming.

I wrote this piece two years ago, but I similar thoughts are resurrecting at this time in my life and felt the need to post it. Ironically, Zach's first sermon this summer was on this very Mark passage. ~ enjoy 

Becoming: [bi-kuhm-ing] 
1. Any process of change 
2. To grow or come to be 
 
Becoming. 
He also said, ‘This is what the Kingdom of God is like. A man scatters seed on the ground. Night 
and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know 
how.  All by itself the soil produces grain – first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the 
head. As soon as the grain is ripe, he puts the sickle to it, because the harvest has come.’ Mark 
4:26-29 
 
Like the seed we are becoming. We are in the process of growth, change. I am coming to be; 
becoming.  What a freeing statement void of pressure to be what we are not yet. We are not in control – in the secret space we are grown into who we are to be.  
 
While in la Dominica (2007) I saw many butterflies, I like to believe it was God’s secret whisper to me, telling me, Jill, you are becoming and I am in control of the entire process. Before leaving for la Dominica three thoughts remained in my head: come to me you broken one and I will give you rest; spiritual transformation is a mystery – similar to the transformation of a caterpillar to a butterfly; God calls me beloved before I do any ministry.  
 
Each glimpse of the butterfly was a reminder that my rest, joy and belovedness is coming. I am 
becoming, I am in process. How sweet the Father who tends to my soul, waiting for me to come to 
him. Yet, feeling he is calling me to wait. The paradox of this waiting is so significant to me now. I 
get it. I remain confident in this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait 
for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord, Jill. Psalm 27 
 
Whether I sleep or get up, the seed will sprout and it will grow, though I do not know how. Liberty 
awaits my surrendering to his mysterious invisible power. Without this surrender I am robbed of my 
joy. I keep holding on thinking I control my happiness - trying to connect all the dots, yet I end up 
disheartened, unbalanced and distracted. Joy-less.  

Yet, this is what I saw in la Dominica. JOY. ‘Often it is the people closest to suffering who have the most powerful joy.’ –John Ortberg. 

How true this is. Despite the poverty, the flies, the dirt, and the lack of access – the people of la Dominica knew joy. They weren’t governed by stress, depression and sorrow – they were driven by a hope that resulted in joy. True sin is rampant and STDs plague women and men, drugs rule the machismo of the men, alcohols still kills the pain, sexism exists, yet – those who hope is in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and walk and walk and not be faint. 

While yet again we filled a need this summer through serving those in la Dominica, God filled us each with a new morsel of his goodness. Re-entering into a society with many dependencies will take discipline to remain simple, focused, and dependent, waiting on the delicate gardener of our soul. We are becoming. 

~ becoming, June 2007

photo taken in Los Higos garden