This is a repost. I've decided to put this back up, but know that it is simply me living in tension. I'm not professing, declaring or asserting anything other than the fact that I'm learning how to live generously with wisdom. Note doing this is costly at times, but this is a price Zach and I are willing to pay.
As many of you know Zach and I relocated to North Carolina a year ago. Have you ever tried to tell a realtor that you DON'T want to live in the nicest area, and actually prefer to live in the areas that most people avoid. Well, God led us to this house, not her. Ask me about it another day. That said, we actually thought we ended up in a "nicer" area per the reports of the previous owners. However, since the economic downfall there has been nothing but break-in after break-in, random people knocking on doors telling crazy stories, and real people telling quite possibly real stories. Here is where I've been jaded since moving out East. I'm on the threshold letting fear absorb my desire for generosity.
I don't think I blogged about the questions that these experiences have raised in me these past few months, that is, being victims of a break-in once, then a second attempt, being approached by a woman seemingly in need, helping her out, then her coming to our door at midnight, and then a new visitor tonight (last week). A young white male comes to our door at 1am needing a ride to Raleigh for what sounds like good reason. What in the world, do we have a sign that says..."Come and knock on my door" (Name that TV show theme song).
Where do I begin?
1.) I've been jaded by technology. As a member of our community list-serv I hear too much about what is going on in our neighborhood, including someone shining a light in a gal's window at 2am in the morning. Yes, she's our age (younger), lives alone, and yes, this was only 3 blocks away. So, as you can tell, I'm a little on edge.
2.) But the life we have chosen is costly (at times). And in this tension I'm reminded of this word, this ideal, this hope, this purpose that I live for, SHALOM (on earth as it is in heaven). That all would be made right, that all would be whole again (to put it in the most simplest terms). You've perhaps read my previous post(s) on Jeremiah 29 and seeking the shalom of the city or Isaiah 58. How am I seeking the shalom when I tell Zach to shut the door and send the young man on his way? Zach was ready to take him to Raleigh (despite being pulled out of his REM sleep). Bogus story or not, I'm talking about deeper tensions, not the practicalities of this particular situation.
3.) Alas, here I am. Bummed. Did I ask Zach to turn a man away who needed help. What about all those other men who knock on doors solely to case a house or get quick money. But really, who knocks on a door at 1am? Perhaps someone who really needed help, that's who.
Back to my statement, do we have a sign that says, "come and knock on my door"? I'd surely hope so - be it visual or spiritual! Our house is a place of peace, we long to be people of peace opening our doors to those in need, not just entertaining, but offering hospitality. If you were at our wedding, you heard the scripture.
This was one of 2 wedding scriptures we intentionally had spoken at our wedding and into our marriage. This is the home I long to create. I refuse to be muffled by fear, but must at the same times be wise I understand this. Pray for us. Pray we would be people of love, hope, patience, prayer, hospitality, blessing, comfort, peace, humility, and PEACE in this neighborhood.
~seeking shalom.
The Tension of our Milieu - Living the Kingdom Life Style in the Not-Yet Kingdom.
This was the first line of a rant of musings I scribbled down one day last year, I believe. I’ve edited it to correspond with my thoughts of today, the values I am wrestling with. Here goes, thoughts welcome.
Our environment that we live in, our milieu is one of privilege and access. It is one of choice. We have the choice to engage or not to engage.
"We have it so good, I've often said, which is true, but I always meant it in the material/physical sense. This is true. Or so I thought? What is the so good implying - wealth, security, or Gospel? That is for you to answer. Could those with little wealth and fleeting security have it better? Maybe they have the secret to the deepest joy. A joy that has been muted by success, technology, and “things” in our nation.
I will be the first to admit. I struggle. So much of me wants wants wants...comfort, security and nice things. Although, a year later I will say my wanting has subsided some, and I thank God for this. I want a beautiful house with timeless antiques, I want healthy children, I want financial security, I want good health care, I want good food, I want a different body...whatever, I want. I want comfort. Father Ben Beltran of Manila said it best, Jesus came to "afflict the comfortable and comfort the afflicted."
But why?
Isn't it ironic that when we spend our lives of behalf of the poor and marginalized...THEN we will be like a well-watered garden, then we will know God, then we will prosper. (Isa. 58, Jer. 22, and 29)
What about leftovers. I'm so prone to give my leftovers, keeping for me what is good and the crème of the crop if you will. For fear that if I give the good stuff...I'll be unsatisfied. Is that truth? Isn't it better to give than to receive?
It isn't wrong to want beautiful things. My fear is that my pursuit of beautiful things will supersede my pursuit of living the kingdom life.
The crème of the crop will come, the good stuff with come...the nice things will come - when we give of ourselves when we satisfy the needs of the hungry. And who knows in that process my idea of what is good, beautiful, and comfortable or 'nice' just might be transformed. I will stop lest I sound like a prosperity gospel.
I've been told what is beautiful and prosperous...infiltrated by the media of what is good and satisfying; inundated with images of beauty and success. What is beauty? That is the question. Is it a life that is like a well-watered garden? What is success? “Success is being faithful,” said J. Fanous.
I'm wrestling. I'm okay with no answers. This is the tension we are always going to be living in. The tension of the now but not yet kingdom. (For more on this check out Kingdom Come by Allen Wakabayashi)
We're exiles. God has brought us here. He says build and live, plant and eat, marry and reproduce. There is a command...but there is also the insinuation of provision. Like God is saying build and enjoy, plant and enjoy, marry and enjoy. And he adds, seek the shalom of the city!
We must remember to ENJOY. Isn’t it about enjoying God and enjoying others? The others are people God places before us. Enjoy them. I think I could do better at building, planting, and seeking shalom in this new place called Durham, North Carolina.
~sifting.
