here but not yet.

The Tension of our Milieu - Living the Kingdom Life Style in the Not-Yet Kingdom.

This was the first line of a rant of musings I scribbled down one day last year, I believe. I’ve edited it to correspond with my thoughts of today, the values I am wrestling with. Here goes, thoughts welcome.

Our environment that we live in, our milieu is one of privilege and access. It is one of choice. We have the choice to engage or not to engage.

"We have it so good, I've often said, which is true, but I always meant it in the material/physical sense. This is true. Or so I thought? What is the so good implying - wealth, security, or Gospel? That is for you to answer. Could those with little wealth and fleeting security have it better? Maybe they have the secret to the deepest joy. A joy that has been muted by success, technology, and “things” in our nation.

I will be the first to admit. I struggle. So much of me wants wants wants...comfort, security and nice things. Although, a year later I will say my wanting has subsided some, and I thank God for this. I want a beautiful house with timeless antiques, I want healthy children, I want financial security, I want good health care, I want good food, I want a different body...whatever, I want. I want comfort. Father Ben Beltran of Manila said it best, Jesus came to "afflict the comfortable and comfort the afflicted."

But why?

Isn't it ironic that when we spend our lives of behalf of the poor and marginalized...THEN we will be like a well-watered garden, then we will know God, then we will prosper. (Isa. 58, Jer. 22, and 29)

What about leftovers. I'm so prone to give my leftovers, keeping for me what is good and the crème of the crop if you will. For fear that if I give the good stuff...I'll be unsatisfied. Is that truth? Isn't it better to give than to receive?

It isn't wrong to want beautiful things. My fear is that my pursuit of beautiful things will supersede my pursuit of living the kingdom life.

The crème of the crop will come, the good stuff with come...the nice things will come - when we give of ourselves when we satisfy the needs of the hungry. And who knows in that process my idea of what is good, beautiful, and comfortable or 'nice' just might be transformed. I will stop lest I sound like a prosperity gospel.

I've been told what is beautiful and prosperous...infiltrated by the media of what is good and satisfying; inundated with images of beauty and success. What is beauty? That is the question. Is it a life that is like a well-watered garden? What is success? “Success is being faithful,” said J. Fanous.

I'm wrestling. I'm okay with no answers. This is the tension we are always going to be living in. The tension of the now but not yet kingdom. (For more on this check out Kingdom Come by Allen Wakabayashi)

We're exiles. God has brought us here. He says build and live, plant and eat, marry and reproduce. There is a command...but there is also the insinuation of provision. Like God is saying build and enjoy, plant and enjoy, marry and enjoy. And he adds, seek the shalom of the city!

We must remember to ENJOY. Isn’t it about enjoying God and enjoying others? The others are people God places before us. Enjoy them. I think I could do better at building, planting, and seeking shalom in this new place called Durham, North Carolina.

~sifting.

local talent.

I have to highlight a friend of ours, Corrie, check out her etsy shop. Her husband is in Div school with Z. She is a talented artist who has discovered her medium! She has a unique and refreshing style. Here is my current fav... ~express yourself

exile.

We don't know where we're going, but we know where we are. Above is a photo from our trip across country. I think this is somewhere between New Mexico and Texas.

Below is a snipit of a scripture I've been thinking about a lot lately. More reflections to come on it later.

We're building, we're planting, and some day reproducing...we're seeking the shalom of the city.

~Name that scripture!

fallen seeds.

My sweet friend Erika bought us the bird feeder I had my eyes on for months at Cost Plus World Market (known only as World Market here). Am I crazy or did we used to call it Cost Plus in California? Please enlighten me.

All that said, we finally bought some bird seed, thanks Ma. Our trick was to out smart the squirrels, and currently they're out smarting me! Twice now they have gnawed at the twine and torn down the hanging feeder. I wish I was aware enough to make some clever spiritual analogy to this predicament, but alas, it is what it is. I did manage to get some snaps of the lovely feeder before it landed on the ground. ~feeding the birds.

words.

I've been thinking a lot this summer about what comes of out of my mouth. I'm known in my OT program for having no filter. I have this way of just saying or asking whatever comes to mind, seldom with malicious intent, rather mere curiosity. This is not necessarily a bad thing. However, there are those times when I can say a piercing word to those I love. Recently I saw what it looks like to hold your tongue, to think before you speak. It was unique and inspiring. Don't get me wrong, she had a mind and she had opinions, but she chose wisely when and how to share them. I'm not saying I don't believe in "free speech", but what is "free" speech? Freedom to say what we want? Yes, to some that is exactly it, and of course this is a thought upheld by our founding fathers. But my husband challenged me in church today with his sermon. To sum it up in just a few sentences (without giving his sermon full credit)...

He drew us into the near end of Ephesians (the end of 4 to 5:2, not fair right, as there is so much to Ephesians). Here Paul comes in with a BANG about how we should live, but it is preceded by Paul reminding us who God is, the radical work Jesus had done culturally and spiritually, and God's deep and profound love for us. And because of this, we respond to God, and Paul gives us some helpful hints as to what that response can look like.

One of those suggestions, if you can call it that was to 'not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building of others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen' (v.29). There were other suggestions, but this one stuck out to me. He challenged us, what if we only spoke words that built one another up? What if we just tried for a day? Could we do it? What would our relationships look like? What would our heart look like?

But the point is this, we don't just do these things to do them or to "be right", we do them our of our response to God's love toward us - out of God's initiation with us - out of an intimate knowledge of our Lord. The beginning of the story is with God's love, the rest is in our response to that love. This is where the freedom comes in. We are truly freed when we can love one another, give to one another, speak to one another, forgive one another without needing anything in return - attention, forgiveness, kudos, gifts, etc... How freeing to know that God can take care of all of that, our anger, our sadness, our pain, our needs.

So, I don't just want to speak a language that only builds up, I want to have a heart that is filled with the love of God so much that it over flows sweet words out of my mouth, words that bless not curse. ~ building up

free abandon.

I want to live this free! ~ seeking liberation

mebane mischief.

I couldn't resist the organic beauty of county life in Mebane, NC. The rustic display of the years of life lived in this home secretly capture the life story of this family who has faced their fair share of complexity. If you look beyond the fresh young faces here, you'll see the history of this Mebane family. 

~ glimpses into the past hidden in the present.

thrifty eaters.

So, I did it. I made Kimberly's pretzels. They make for a fun snack. My first attempt was far better than my later. Yummy, they are, yet filled with carbohydrates. Zach recently saw a nutritionist and she said he needs more protein in his diet. Oops! In my "busyness" and in light of our budget, I confess I've been more of a pasta mama this past month. This hasn't helped my chubby cheeks either! Thus, I headed to Costco and bought some chicken for $1.99/lbs. A waste of packaging, but the right price. Ouch! It's our goal to live on $275 a month for food. I'll let you know how we do. If you have any thrifty protein-fused-meals, send them my way - we do lentils! I may hold off on another round of pretzels! ~ protein bound

chop chop.

Well, I've given in to the requests of photos of my new do...only because you live a nation away...here it is.  ~ here's to turning 30

   

summer reading.

I'm currently reading The Best of Enemies: Race and Redemption in the New South. Zach read it last year for a program he did with Duke Divinity before school started and really enjoyed it. Thus far, I'm convinced it is a must read for anyone living in the Triangle Area, and for sure anyone living in Durham. More thoughts on my read to follow. ~ check it out.